Waxahachie, Texas: ATW has exclusive footage of Brannon Bridge, Joey Doe, LORD of the Monkeys (aka the Joeys) and boy toy of Claudine Dombrowski (AMPP) driving drunk ::dramatic sting:: on an office chair in his garage.
Brave Brannon wears a silver tiara and narrowly misses a garbage can full of scoopable cat litter as he weaves across the concrete floor. Beer spills everywhere as Brannon struggles to control himself.
Brannon smacks “Mr. Scoopable” with his dustpan. Score one for Brannon; the box topples to the floor! Getting drunk and beating on a box of cat litter, oh, what a night!
Feeling the adrenaline surge, Brannon pours beer onto the piggy lawn ornament. A few straggly hairs stick up on his balding head as he howls, “Yeeaaaa!!!”
In a dramatic moment, 2:25, Brannon says, “I gotta go…relieve something.” Then walks completely off camera. ::Whistling:: tinkle, tinkle ::Whistling:: “Something only a king can do.” ::Whistling:: tinkle, tinkle
Brannon re-emerges, whipping his hands on the front of his jeans, to announce a “special feature” ::oooohhhh:: The song “Some Nights” by Fun.
Ready to “Get this sh—jumping, go, yo. M—bleep–bleep” New beer in hand, and empty bladder, Brannon is ready to dazzle you with his lip sync and dance movies… Brannon is so talented he can even lip sync and dance with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth. ::ooohhh ahhhh::
The video pans deep into Brannon’s delusional mind. A crowd of fans is cheering, hands wave in the air as the music surges. Brannon’s garage has been transformed into an epic concert, a Joeypalooza. Where are the adoring fans? ::crickets chirp:: Maybe they need a minute. ::owl hoot:: No fans here. Don’t worry Brannon, Claudine and the Attack Mothers will cheer for you. ::awwww::
In a deeply touching moment, Brannon poetically recites the lyrics: “So this is is. I sold my soul for this? Washed my hands of that for this? I miss my mom and dad for this? (Come on). No. When I see stars, when I see…”
Then add his own delusional twist, “I see dragons”. Do you see dragons? There, one just flew over the garage! Brannon sees dragons, do you, do you?!?!?! Most nights, I don’t know…
If you have not seen Brannon dance before you are in for a real treat! In this video he even sings with a cigarette dangling from his lips…and dances like Godzilla on crack. Stomping. Howling. Feet flying through the air. I would say it is the craziest thing you have ever seen but this is the Joeys we are talking about!
Brannon must really miss Claudine because then he starts dancing with the office chair. It was really romantic until Brannon throws the chair to the ground. In his mind, the fans are cheering again.
The darkened garage is transformed into a stage washed in lights….Brannon topples the office chair…he will wake up in the morning with one hell of a hangover, and an annoying song stuck in his head.